Tuesday Nonsense

Apparently, there's some sort of fued 'tween comedians David Cross and Dan Whitney (aka Larry the Cable Guy). It started back in April, when Rolling Stone ran a piece on Whitney that included this quote from Cross:

"He's good at what he does," concedes fellow comedian David Cross. "It's a lot of anti- gay, racist humor -- which people like in America -- all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a -straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel-selling-ring -tones act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a stage of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."

Then, there was Whitney's response:

"The only people who are uptight at my shows are politically correct white people," he insists. "They have to take in the social implication of the joke before they can laugh. Just lighten up!" Larry does have his own set of taboos, and they're very red-state-centric: "I don't say the f word, and I don't take the Lord's name in vain."

End of story? Of course not; David Cross blasted him in a letter that was cross-posted on the Bob and David website. An excerpt:

But you also specifically dumb down your speech while making hundreds of purposefully grammatical errors. How do I know this? It's on page 17 of your book wherein you describe how you would "Larry" up your commentaries for radio. What does it mean to "Larry" something up? Take a wild guess. The reason you feel the need to "Larry" something up? Because you are not that dumb. I mean you, Dan Whitney, the guy who's name the bank account is under.

You were born and raised in Nebraska (hardly The South), went to private school and moved to Florida when you were 16. This is when you developed your accent?! Not exactly the developmental years are they? At age 16 that's the kind of thing you have to make a concerted effort to adopt. Did you hire a voice coach? Or were you like one of those people who go to England for a week and come back sounding like an extra from "Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels"?

The letter really needs to be read in its entirety to fully appreciate the genius that is David Cross. In other news, Sam Seder of the Majority Report debated Bob Knight, director of the Culture and Family Institute on CNN last night. The subject? The War on Christmas that FOX News created in order to boost sales of John Gibson's book on the fake crisis.

SEDER: Listen, as far as the war on Christmas goes, I feel like we should be waging a war on Christmas. I mean, I believe that Christmas, it's almost proven that Christmas has nuclear weapons, can be an imminent threat to this country, that they have operative ties with terrorists and I believe that we should sacrifice thousands of American lives in pursuit of this war on Christmas. And hundreds of billions of dollars of taxpayer money. PHILLIPS: Is it a war on Christmas, a war Christians, a war on over-political correctness or just a lot of people with way too much time on their hands? SEDER: I would say probably, if I was to be serious about it, too much time on their hands, but I'd like to get back to the operational ties between Santa Claus and al Qaeda. PHILLIPS: I don't think that exists. Bob? Help me out here. SEDER: We have intelligence, we have intelligence. PHILLIPS: You have intel. Where exactly does your intel come from? SEDER: Well, we have tortured an elf and it's actually how we got the same information from Al Libbi. It's exactly the same way the Bush administration got this info about the operational ties between al Qaeda and Saddam.

Full transcript on Eschaton.

Mega What?

What the fuck is a megachurch, anyway? ...and why are people pissed that their local megachurch wont be open on Christmas day? It's gotta be hard when you come to the realization that your church is really just a moneymakin' machine that's simply too busy to deal with "the folks" on the holiest of holy days. Check out some of the convoluted reasoning and excuse making from good Christian's 'round this great country:

It is almost unheard of for a Christian church to cancel services on a Sunday, and opponents of the closures are accusing these congregations of bowing to secular culture. "This is a consumer mentality at work: `Let's not impose the church on people. Let's not make church in any way inconvenient,'" said David Wells, professor of history and systematic theology at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, a leading evangelical school in Hamilton, Mass. "I think what this does is feed into the individualism that is found throughout American culture, where everyone does their own thing." -AP 12-06-05

I especially love the "bowing to secular culture" bit. That's why the churches will be closed, because the crazy fundies are FINALLY bowing down to us Separation-of-Church-and-State-ers. Right.

"It's a sign of how totally identified with the culture [evangelicals have] become," Bratt said. "The church has subordinated to cultural icons, and family is one of them. ... The logic of that is you should celebrate the holiday in its true sanctuary, which is the home." -The Christian Post 12-7-05

Love the logic. Embrace the logic. It's the nu-Christianity, complete with a team of marketing executives, a couple of Jumbotrons, and massive houses of worship....made of Diamonds and fetus-drippings. Check out Jeff Sharlet's "Soldiers of Christ" article from Harpers. It's just plain creepy. It almost makes me want to date a rich evangelical, just so I can keep it as a dirty, shameful secret. Happy Holy-Day, y'all.

"No more will I be loyal to my sorrowful country..."

10 Marines Killed in Bombing Near Fallujah Therefore.... Bush saddened by deaths of marines, will give new speech on Iraq That'll do it. One more speech, please.

Progress Reports

With the exception of this...

"The Gospels repeatedly show that Jesus loved, touched, and cared for lepers — the diseased outcasts of his day. Today's 'lepers' are those who have HIV/AIDS."

...I think the evangelical community is taking some noteworthy babysteps into the world of AIDS activism. In the article, Harry Knox of the HRC "welcomed the outreach, as long as it wasn't judgemental." Right on.

And now...the Douchebags of Liberty...Holiday Edition!!! (thanks to Media Matters and Think Progress) --Olbermann gives O'Reilly bronze, silver, and gold medals for "Worst Person in the World" --Limbaugh on kidnapping of peace activists in Iraq: "I'm telling you, folks, there's a part of me that likes this" --CNN adopts GOP "cut and run" line to describe Democratic proposals And the winner, and reigning champ:

--President George W. Bush LIED in Speech Yesterday About Iraqi Security Forces

No shit.